“Hi, my name is Sáoirse and this is my husband.”
What can you tell about me by that statement? Well, if you know that Sáoirse is an Irish female name, then you can tell that I “identify” as female and that I am currently in a “heterosexual” longterm relationship.
You can not however tell whether or not I was born female, whether my husband was born male, whether we are monogamous or polyamorous, whether I am intrinsically heterosexual or if I might actually be bi or pan…
You know why that is? May I be blunt? Because it’s none of your business, that’s why; which is also the exact same reason why I do not need, or want, to know more about your or anyones private, sexual lives.
If am introduced to Sarah and her girlfriend Jenny, that’s more than enough for me. Here is Sarah and here is Jenny – they love each other – the end.
Why this obsession with labels? Why do we need to put a tag on everything? Why would I possibly need to know whether they identify to be lesbian, bi, pan or what ever? Are you introducing me as a potential mate? If one of them is transgender, why would I possibly need to know that? If she is Sarah then she is Sarah, no matter what she may or may not have been called at another time.
Let me make this as simple as I possibly can: live your life as true to yourself as you possibly can. Love whom you love, in which ever way you choose to, as long as it is all consensual and no one gets hurt. That’s as simple as it gets.
It’s none of my business if you love men, women or both. It’s none of my business whether you are happy with the gender you were born into, or if you prefer to be one or the other or even both. It’s none of my business whether you have one partner, three or ten – and on that same token: my life is none of anyone else’s business either.
You see these posters everywhere:
Which is true and important and right …. but if this is true then so is this:
I am not a “cisgender” or “cissexual” woman – I am JUST a woman.
I can not even begin to express how very sick and incredibly tired I am of other people throwing their labels and gender expectations on me. I am a woman. I always have been. I like pink, I rock a pair of heels and can cook like a beast. Also, I play video games, speak 5 languages, have lived in 5 countries, am a daughter, a sister, a wife, a friend, an aunty, a godmother, a pain in the ass, an employee and goodness knows what else … and the only label I can come up with is this – I am Sáoirse.
This is me and I reject your labels.
I find them harmful, hurtful and belittling, especially when they are thrust upon those who do not want them. They marginalize whole groups of people into boxes, corners, stereotypes and expectations. The reason nasty and uneducated people call each other “gay” with a derogatory intention, is because the word still means something to them that is different from what they know and they don’t like it. They have been taught to fear and reject anything different.
Straight, Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Pan, Poly – they all express the same thing – “Love”.
Cisgender, Transgender, Transexual, Drag Queens … they are all – People.
As soon as we can let go of labels, and just see love as love, and people as people and teach our children just that, then I sincerely believe the hate can go away. If we can teach our children that TEHRE IS NO DIFFERENCE, then what is there for them to be afraid of? Nothing.
Once our sons and daughters can be who they are, dress, act, and speak as they choose and love as they feel it, without anyone questioning them; then and only then, will we be equals.
I sincerely believe, that as long as we label each other, we are creating segregation. The intention is to make things “easier” or “clearer”, but why does anyone else need to understand, by the use of some label how you feel in your heart? In your soul? As long as you, and your chosen partner(s) know each other and are happy, no one else matters.
I don’t want to know your labels, I want to know you.
If giving yourself a label makes you happy, then that is your choice and you have every right to wear it proudly, but please respect the fact that just because you want to use your label does’t mean everyone around you does.
There are no abnormal genders or gender identities, same as there is no abnormal love – what makes it abnormal, is making it sound like it is.
Hi, my name is Sáoirse; it’s nice to meet You.
As always, thanks for reading and take care. xoxo