What a year….

What a year it’s been; plenty of good lots of bad & sad and here I am, in December, facing down what’s supposed to be my favorite time of year, hiding under a blanket with my (albeit concerned looking) puppy and a bottle of fruit wine trying to remind myself that I’m an adult… but I can’t really hear myself through my childlike sobs. Yikes.

So I think I need to write all of this down, the good, the bad and the ugly to get some perspective. And then share it with all of you guys. Because heck, if a gal can’t share her deepest and most time consuming thoughts with an internet of strangers, then with whom else? Right? 😉

So, to start off with, I am concerned about the planet as a whole and my absolute inability to do anything about it. I am concerned about the bleak future we’re facing. The refugee crisis, the countless humanitarian crises, harmul hardcore feminism, persistant anti-LGBT laws in areas as advanced as the European Union,  Brexit, Putin in the East, and the West condemned to a minimum of 4 years of Trump; all while we’re doing fuck all about global warming, the inevitable food and water shortage and the epidemic uprising of diseases such as cancer. image1

All of this floats through my brain at one point or another, during almost every waking minute of every waking day. Not all at once mind you, and usually more like the faint buzzing of bees in the background of the garden of my mind, rather than the shredding lawnmower at the front and center of it, but they’re always there and manage to remind me that there’s nothing I can do about them being there. This scares me.

It scares me, because it’s the world I live in, and whenever I may die, whether I have the privilege of dying of old age asleep in my bed, or if a freak accident or illness were to take me sooner, it’s the world I’m leaving behind for generations to come. Maybe I’ll have kids someday. Maybe my brothers will. Some of my inlaws already do, I have two beautiful nephews, and two wonderful goddaughters for whom I want to create a better world. And I don’t know how to. I feel tiny, powerless and insignificant to change anything.

That being said, there are also the mundane pains and sorrows of my every day life, which seem almost childish and selfish to linger upon in the face of such global catastrophe, but I live with them every day. So affect me they do, and face them I must. (If you were wondering, these ones are the lawnmower and his buddies, the leaf blower and weed whacker.)

It’s been a long year. I’m 26 years old, almost 4 years married, have a dog and live in a nice apartment. However, this year has raced by so fast… painfully fast even; and it’s the first time that I’ve understood what my parents meant when they told me as a child to appreciate the time I have because soon it will be racing by.

I feel old. Not in the “god I’m almost 30” kind of way, I hear 30 is supposed to be an amazing age and I’m actually greatly looking forward too it. No, I feel old physically and mentally… wishing there were more hours in the day for me and what I want, rather than spending my precious hours on the futility of the rat race.

The fact that I never got on with kids my age as a child has come back to haunt me as an adult. It turns out I still don’t like most people my age.

Other 20-something year olds take themselves one of two ways: either far too seriously (making me feel aloof and childish for loving board games and video games so much) or they’re all free spirited go getters with no semblance of what a consequence might be, and stay out till obnoxious times of night drinking dizzying amounts of alcohol that make me tap out before they even think the night has even begun. This also means that I’m struggling to make friends.


I have several great acquaintances in Belfast, but no one that I could call up whenever to just hang with; not like my besties back home. My husband hasn’t really found anyone like that either. The one or other beer buddy, sure, but not the types of friends you can rely on at a moments notice.


We’ve been here almost 3 years, and we’re incredibly lonely. With barely enough time to spend on one another and our family never mind trying to go out and make friends.

That leads me to my professional situation. I’ve found myself stuck in an industry that I don’t much enjoy, with rules, regulations and goals that definitely do not align with my own, but due to my lack of a university education I am lucky to be where I am at all. I am stuck. Good and properly glued down. I come home and I’m exhausted, mentally and emotionally and haven’t the energy to as much as do the dishes…. I’ve even cried myself to sleep more often than I would really like to ever admit.

This leaves my personal life a bit of a shamble… I’m not caring for my home properly, leaving laundry to pile up like small mountain ranges and dishes to run wild in the kitchen, like dirty pasta sauce crusted monsters. That of course has the side effect of my not caring for myself properly either. Think there’s time for the gym? LOL

I did great on Weight Watchers earlier this year, losing almost 20lbs and being well on my way to looking fab, but I felt like shit. That always happens to me by the way… I hate the way I look and feel, so I go on an extreme diet… I’ve lost 20-35 lbs three separate times in my adult life now, just to then crash and burn like an emotional wreck. I end up missing a casual beer, pizza night and popcorn at the movies… being perpetually hungry and “that girl who only eats salad” makes me feel like shit… so then I convince myself that I don’t need to diet at all, and that it’s okay to love myself the way I am and then what happens? I yo-yo right back up and past my original weight… I have never weighed as much as I do right now, and I hate myself for it. Yes I do. I loathe the situation I am in. I just can’t figure this out and I don’t have the time to figure it out any better either!!!

I try my best to be confident and bright, my darling husband always says the one feature he likes about me even better than my eyes and boobs (lol) is my confidence… so I try my damndest not lose that. I’ve spent a fortune on bigger, better fitting clothes, in flattering shapes and colours, have been getting my hair dyed and regularly boost myself with my favorite makeup routine.
But then I see a mirror. Or a photo from a party where I am literally 2 times the size of every other person in the photo with me… and despite my best efforts, and investments, I feel the icy grip of self loathing upon my heart.


To be honest, I’ve been restricting again lately… not eating during day, to prove to myself that I’m in control, just to then lose the battle with hunger at night and completely overindulge. I can always try again tomorrow, I tell myself. Trust me, it sucks.

All of this, and some other things that I don’t think need to take up more space at present, have lead to me being quite down this Christmas season (don’t even get me started on the fact that I desperately miss my younger brother who moved away with his wife… it’s the first ever Christmas in my life that I am spending without him, and even though he’s a pain in the ass at times, I miss him fiercely and have been very sad about it at all attempted traditions this year. 😦 ) (In the bad metaphor of my mind’s garden, that’s the hole in the corner where once a great tree stood… it’s been moved to another park and now the gap is achingly obvious.)

The tree is up, the candles lit… but it all seems very half hearted. I’ve not decorated the rest of my apartment properly, and I’ve not even bought a single present! Usually I am DONE by now, but I’ve not even started!! I haven’t baked a single minced pie (I’m afraid I’ll have a “snaccident” if I do) and I’ve not even put in the effort to watching a single one of my favorite Xmas movies. 


ALL Of THAT being said, I also had some great things happen this year, so now that I have vented some of my biggest heartaches off my chest, I want to share some of the amazing things that happened, that I am truly grateful for and will hopefully get me back in gear in time for Christmas in 2 weeks.

image6I have an amazing husband. He loves and supports me through everything and I think we’ve really found our stride this year. He knows that I’ve been struggling a little, with how untraditional and sometimes “unromantic” we have been (based on the classic template) but, funny story, we found a YouTube video that gave us some serious perspective. I know right?? I’ll share it for you here: https://youtu.be/jltM5qYn25w Let’s just say it showed us that we’re the new kind of romantic, and have our very own way of bonding over things and that’s okay. More than okay, I genuinely believe it’s helped us be the best us we’ve ever been.

We have Riker, our pugalier puppy. He’s a gem and a pain in the ass, but I wouldn’t be without him. He’s my companion on days such as these, when Derek’s at work and I don’t want to be alone. He gets me out of the house and is my snuggle bug. (He also drives my parents crazy and ate the leg off of my new dining room table when we first got him, but hey, no one’s perfect. 😉 )


We have made our apartment our home. When we first moved in, it felt like a huge hotel room, but just that, a rented space… someone else’s space that we were borrowing. It took almost two years, but now when I come home it’s exactly that – coming home. And I love every awkward little inch of this space. It’s our first family home, Derek, Riker and I, and I love it.

I have a job. I don’t have to be in love with it every day, but I have the good fortune of being employed, and being able to bring home a generous paycheck (for an uneducated hick 😉 ) and I’m grateful for it.
We’re about to go on vacation. Derek’s family invited us to go to Mexico with them for the new year, and it’s going to be glorious. My inlaws are quirky (whose aren’t?) but I love them to bits and can’t wait to see them and spend time with them and see how happy my hubby is when he’s with them. mexico

And I have my family. Through thick and thin, crazy and crazier, madness and insanity. They’re mine. They’re generous, loving, welcoming people, with hearts of gold and sparkling humor. I don’t know what I would be without them, and I’d rather not think about that. 

So that’s it… those are (almost) all the things that are battling in my head for attention right now and also, the long list of reasons why I haven’t blogged in such a long time.

I’ve been battling my demons and didn’t feel like it was genuine to be posting my thoughts on recipes and travel destinations when I wasn’t really feeling it.

Huge shout out to my dear friend Richard who took it upon himself to write to me the other day, asking when I would blog again because he missed reading my posts; I am not sure this lengthy, self centered, sob-story rant is what he had in mind, but hey, his encouragement helped me take the time to sit down and type this and hopefully find my new blogging groove. So thanks buddy.
I hope if find my Christmas spirit, preferably before the end of the season, and I just want to thank you all very much for letting me download and deal with my feelings in such a weird way. It’s oddly therapeutic.

Hopefully I will be back soon, this time with proper happy posts concerning travel, recipes, Disney dissections and of course the occasional rant.

Thanks all! xx


I’m sorry that you stole my bike – #ThoughtfulThursday

This evening I met with a constable from the Belfast Harbour Police; he took my statement regarding an incident in late April when 3 young teenagers made off with the Belfast Bike that I had returned to a station in Titanic Quarter.

I had returned the bike according to protocol, reported the incident immediately to the company and the police, and because of that I was not going to be held liable for the lost bike. Yay.

A few days later, the bike was found, badly battered and beaten (missing the light, handle covers and bell, with cut wires, slashed tires, and dents) but the case seemed closed; now they just wanted my official statement for the record.

However, those boys were never caught and that’s what makes me feel awful.

No, I don’t want to see them “punished”, I want to take this chance to apologize to them.

Children and youth are not inherently bad. I was just one myself, less than a decade ago, and I know that they’re (mostly) actually quite alright; but they struggle with impulse control – they see a tall ledge and feel the need to jump. They see a loose sign and just have to hit or kick it. Someone offers them a swig of a drink they shouldn’t have? Sure, why not.

Most teenagers don’t go looking for trouble, trouble finds them and I inadvertently presented their ids with a challenge to juicy to pass up – a chance at a cheeky joy ride.

As I said, it wasn’t my fault that the bike didn’t lock properly, but they watched me struggle to get it to lock properly in the first place, and as soon as I stepped away they tried to yank it back out.

I am sorry that you were tempted to do this and I am even more sorry that you got away with it. Because you got away with it, you will not have learned how much stress this caused me, or just how much it would have cost me (a total stranger to you) to replace the bike if they had held me liable (£250 btw) and you didn’t learn what  the consequence for stealing is to you personally… You had a jolly joy ride, feeling like the macho men society pressures you to be, like Rebels and cool dudes.

But what scares me the most is that, just like any “gateway”, if you’re unlucky, this might lead you to worse crimes – because that is what that was – a crime.

Next time, you might try to knick something off of someone way more dangerous than me and get hurt by them, or worse, it might be someone weaker than me and you hurt them in the process!

Will it stop at a bicycle? Or will it be a moped? Maybe a motorbike? What about a car?

That’s what keeps me up at night. Worrying about where you are and whether my not stopping you quick enough, my hesitation to chase you and scare you out of what you were doing, might have allowed you to slip onto this very dangerous path.

I really hope I’m wrong. I really hope I’m over exaggerating and I really hope that you were just excited because it was a warm spring day, that you got your fill from it and that you’ll never do it again.

But if my worst fears are true, and this this leads to worse things (that I will probably never know about) – I am truly and deeply sorry that you weren’t caught that day, and that we, as a society, may have missed our chance to teach you all a lesson, and maybe help you become better people.


#ScrumptiousSunday – Markets & Festivals

Happy Sunday everyone; I hope it’s been a lovely weekend for you. 🙂 IMG_8426

While I adore discovering, creating and cooking both my own and other people’s recipes, I am also known to indulge in local restaurants and dishes every now and then, and today, I would like to share some of the delicious things, that Derek and I sampled at both the Belfast Maritime Festival and Continental Spring Market this weekend.

(Heads up: I’m an awful food photographer, and we only tried a very small sampling of dishes, but boy were we happy with all of them!)

German Bratwurst and Krakauer Sausage

These sizzling, savoury bites are easy to love. We always go to the same stand each time they’re in town (usually for the Continental and Xmas markets) and while they’re a touch pricey, they sure know how to cook ’em and they never disappoint. (Even Riker was hoping to score a bite… which he certainly did; spoiled brat that he is. 😉 )





French Cheese and Bacon Twist – It’s a like a Croissant but twisty… and savoury! *melt*






And we follow that up with? A sweet and heartbreakingly delicious Éclair.




To end the evening, we also bought some truly and indescribably scrumptious teas and flavoured coffees from Jimmy Bean. Yes please!


It doesn’t always have to be home cooked to be delicious.

Thanks for reading! #ScrumptiousSunday

Discrimination is always discrimination.

Discrimination, by definition, “is the treatment or consideration of, or making a distinction in favour of or against, a person or thing based on the group, class, or category to which that person or thing is perceived to belong to rather than on individual merit.”

Discrimination can be made on anything from race and gender to more subtle things such as whether someone has piercings or tattoos, what their hair colour is, or what brand of technology they prefer.

Some of the most visible/talked about and systemic types of discrimination are:

And there are many more…. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Discrimination

However, I have come to notice something quite disturbing and I wanted to take a moment to ponder this.

As a caucasian, mid 20’s, employed, (seemingly) cis-gendered/sexual individual, it seems that if and when any of these are applied to myself, people tell me that it’s not “really” discrimination at all and that I am to “check my privilege” and shut up. Trust me when I say my brothers, as males, can fare even worse.)

(Yes, I am aware of the fact that in comparison to many many other people on the planet, I have lead a very privileged life, and I know that I am lucky. No, I have not ever been denied a job, an education  or even a table at a restaurant based upon the colour of my skin, a perceived religion or sexual orientation and, while I am capable of great empathy, I would never claim to even begin to truly understand what people who have faced and are facing this sort of struggle, have truly been though.)

However, I have experienced (personally and through friends) clear cases of discrimination that I thought were unfair and yet, we have been told that it’s “not really discrimination at all” for one reason or another. (6 examples below.)

  1. A friend got publicly called a “dirty racist” because he couldn’t offer service in a language he didn’t speak and when he tried to defend himself, he also got the sexist card, because he’s a man. He’s a caucasian, anglophone and was told to “suck it up” once it was over. (This is linguistic discrimination, often considered a subset of racism, paired with misandry/sexism.) 
  2. Someone very close to me got called names like “halfie” and “twinky” by the ethnic student body with whom they identified, in their high school, because they are “only” half of that culture but also have the “privilege” of being half white. They were expected to take it on the chin, and to not be “so uptight” about it. (This is racism.) 
  3. I married my husband at age 23. Permanently we get asked “Aren’t you too young to be married?” and “What if you made a mistake?”. When we have, in such cases, refused to be forced into defending our life choices, we have been told to respect the knowledge of our elders and accept that we’re wrong (even when these are complete strangers!). (This is ageism.)
  4. Another person who is very close to me, passed all the required exams, physical tests and qualifications for their dream job, but were turned away because the company had taken “their quota” of their religion for that year. It was considered “normal” due to the divide among varying Christian factions at the time and since this person is white, and Christian and thus “privileged”, they were expected to just wait another year. (This is religious discrimination.) 
  5. I am half Irish, half German; this makes me very pale. When I go to the beach, it seems to be unavoidable for both people I know, and complete strangers to exclaim thing like “Oh my god, you’re so white, you’d get lost in a sandbank!”. This is then usually followed up with unsolicited advice on how to best protect my skin and that I “best go back inside”. When I protest to this type of conversation, I am told that “I don’t really know what racism is”, and that I need to learn to “take a joke”. (Like it or not, this is racism.) 
  6. When I went to my new doctor for a routine check up, I was told that I may have diabetes, fatty liver or even heart disease. The diagnostic tool? A BMI calculator and looking at me, because according to her “in 99% of cases, any problem a ‘fat’ person has, comes from being fat and lazy, and nothing else.” The blood tests that she ordered, all came back clean, other than being heavy I am perfectly healthy and yet, she was not expected to apologize and my malpractice complaint was thrown out even by my circle of peers before it ever made it to an official office. “She was just doing her job”. (This is “body-shaming”, a very prominent sub set of ableism.)

I am very very tired of all these double standards.

  • Discriminating on skin colour? No matter the colour, it’s racism.
  • Discrimination on gender/sex/sexual orientation? No matter the identification, it’s sexism.
  • Discriminating on age/experience? No matter whether old or young, it’s ageism.
  • Discriminating on body type, shape or ability? No matter the body, it’s ableism.

Just because an individual does not come from a systemically oppressed or marginalized group, does not mean that it is impossible to discriminate against them individually.

Thanks for reading.







To blog or not to blog…

It’s interesting looking back over the posts I’ve written, especially considering that I still don’t fancy myself as much of a “blogger”.

There are recipes and reviews, angry rants and thoughtful reflections but most importantly, I have noticed that there are many “unfinished” projects.

I was off to an incredibly good start on “Around the world in 26 breakfasts” and thought I had a real crowd pleaser when I started “Disney Lessons”.

What strikes me though, is that when I think about those projects, rather than being excited and joyful about the fun things they would allow me to do (namely cooking some amazing international breakfasts and having an excuse to re-watch and totally over analyze my favourite Disney movies) they have become a source of stress.

I berate myself for not having “posted” in so long, fearful that any of the few regular readers that I have might lose interest in waiting and might stop following my blog all together.

There is so much I’d like to write about, such as our recent trip to London, my wonderful (and unfavourable) experiences with AerLingus, the kindness and understanding of Viking River Cruises, not to mention all of the great foods we’ve been cooking and so much more. But I’ve found that the pressure of writing things that other people will enjoy, and in a way that won’t get me judged, has scared me away from my computer all together. I ask myself “to blog or not to blog?” And more often than not I end up simply answering that question with a defeated “no”.

I’ve opened this page innumerable times, have started and deleted countless drafts… And then I look at those projects and feel guilty that I haven’t done anything with them, and put off writing anything new until I’ve continued those.

To you wonderful readers – I want to say:  thank you. Thank you so much for joining me on this blogging journey for these past 18-ish months, despite all the breaks and I promise, I will finish those series eventually. 😉

I hope you’ll forgive me, if unlike my more organized or even professional online peers, I admit that I don’t enjoy the stresses of scheduled posting and that I am choosing to not be doing this on a schedule.

I am enjoying life so much right now; cooking and traveling, work is going well, I’m making pretty great choices for my health and on the weekends we’re just relaxing.

I look forward to what 2016 has to bring and am open to any article suggestions you may have.,

Thanks again to everyone who checks back here every once in a while, I really appreciate it.


10 ways to be more connected

According to the official German language dictionary Langescheid, the German “Youthword” of 2015 is “Smombie” ~ Smartphone Zombie.

This is interesting since my father and I have been having some interesting debates recently about the rise of disconnected-ness among people these days, brought on by the rise of “smart” (or web enabled) technology.

Screen Shot 2015-03-13 at 10.09.11 PMNow, I am not blind and definitely do see the “zombification” of my own, as well as older and younger generations and I too am concerned, however, I genuinely believe that the technology itself is not to blame which is why I get so easily frustrated with this topic. I believe that the technology itself it’s wonderful (I wrote a whole poem about it), so let’s not dwell on that.

I don’t ignore my surroundings because they TAUGHT me that that would be rude. I am 25 years old (and married) and I still ASK before I put both of my headphones in on a lengthy family road trip, because they insisted on that when I was younger – and it stuck.

You know what else stuck? No phones at the dinner table. If mine was out it was gone… I was taught the art of making conversation and keeping eye contact. Also, when ever I had friends over, sure we were allowed to watch movies and play video games but eventually my parents physically turned the TV off and sent us playing outside or with toys. I am surrounded by the same tech as many others but I was raised right.

IMG_5998Maybe, today’s youth just aren’t being raised the same way but it’s also hard for parents to crack down on something that they themselves do all the time. The amount of adults I have seen who will blatantly text the whole way through a coffee date, permanently check their Facebook while visiting with friends or just can’t stop playing what ever the newest Facebook game is (Candy Crush, Farmville etc) while they’re supposed to be watching a movie together, is absolutely mind boggling to me.

The main point I am hoping to make is that I believe that bad habits, poor examples and lazy parenting have lead to our tragically disconnected state.

That being said, here are my top 10 tips to reconnect. You don’t have to try all of them, but I am hoping they will help. 😀

At home/personal space

  1. Enjoy the real world for at least an hour in the morning before you “plug in”. 
    1. Have a morning routine such as kissing your loved one(s), having coffee/breakfast, brushing your teeth and getting dressed ALL BEFORE checking your Facebook/Twitter etc. You may be surprised at how much more awake and aware you’ll feel if you day starts in the real world.
  2. Ban Phones/Tablets from the Breakfast/Dinner Table. 
    1. You could make it a game, there are plenty of suggestions for this on the web, or you could just all grow up and leave them well away.
  3. Introduce new hobbies/join a club. 
    1. IMG_3527A lot of the time we spend on Social Media is to fill the empty time in which we’re doing “nothing”. Having a hobby, be it knitting, sewing, puzzling, reading, scrapbooking, playing sports, learning a new language or just playing with the dog will give you something tangible to do, that you can enjoy on your own or even share with those around you.
  4. Limit Screen time – TV/Video Games/Tablets for EVERYONE.
    1. A lot of my time on the internet is spent doing nothing. As in I am just bored and clicking through YouTube, Blog Pages and social games to take up time. This is neither constructive nor healthy, so I suggest limiting screen time. If we only have 2 hours (for example) a day to be on Facebook, YouTube, blogs etc. we will really DO what we want to DO. Message the people we want to message, watch exactly those videos we really want to watch (recipes, DIY’s, romantic proposals 😉 , sports instructions etc.) and at the end of it, we won’t feel like we just “wasted” two hours of our day. We actually DID stuff, stuff that we wanted to do.
  5. Introduce Game Nights (no tech).
    1. Card games and Board Games are amazing. From Chess to Monopoly, through Settlers of Catan and Ticket to Ride, Yahtzee to Cribbage, there are countless amazing games out there that families and friends can play together without touching a screen. The trick is finding a game that everyone will enjoy, and once you do, you will have hours or hilarious (and connected) fun. IMG_4516

In Public Spaces

  1. Be aware of your surroundings, maybe even unplug once in a while (earplugs, where’s your bag?)
    1. Don’t walk/cycle/drive and look at your phone at the same time. Also, take out at least one earbud (if not both.) Having earphones in and music blaring stops you from hearing things like bike bells/sirens and also people when they say things like “excuse me” “pardon me” or “sorry” when they try to get passed you.  (Who knows you might even notice something beautiful like bird chirping or children laughing. 😀 )
  2. Smile at people you interact with (servers, people who hold the door for you, stranger passing on the street.)
    1. Your waiter/server is a person, look them in the eye, smile, respect their presence and their job. They’ll have a better day for it, and chances are you’ll even get better service for being such a swell human being. 😉 Sometimes a smile is all you need to brighten your own day and someone else’s, especially on a stressful Monday morning. Also, smiling is healthy, ask science.
  3. Keep an eye out for someone who may need your help.
    1. Same as a smile, a simple gesture of helping someone can go a long way. Whether you reach something from a high shelf at a grocery store for someone, hold the door open for someone whose hands are full, help a lost looking tourist find their way around your city  or help a senior cross the street, you will have a lasting impact on that person’s day. There are a lot of us on this tiny planet, and if we just all watch out for one another a little bit, we can make it a better place. (Excellent video on the topic here: https://youtu.be/nwAYpLVyeFU)
  4. Respect Public Spaces.
    1. Swearing can be fun, and sometime necessary, but we have this common agreement to not do it in public and especially not in front of children. Also, we really shouldn’t spit, “air-blow” our noses, litter, leave gum, graffiti or in any other way deface public spaces; these may all seem really obvious, but when we’re all so wrapped into our own little bubbles, it’s easy to forget our manners. These are shared spaces and we share a responsibility to keep them safe and clean – that includes not blasting music so loud that everyone else has to hear it and not being an obstacle to other people by just being unaware.
  5. Really explore some local gems. 
    1. IMG_4427Get to know your home town/area. Don’t just sit at home trolling the Web all Sunday long, get out of the house and explore. Invite friends, or go on your own, but try that new local coffee shop, check out the farmers market or try a new restaurant. Does your city/town/village attract any tourists? If so, ask yourself why that is and go see the local tourist attractions. Maybe you could even take a day trip to another fascinating local town to see what they have to offer, either way connect with your surroundings.

These obviously aren’t the be all and end all, and they might not work for everyone, but I think they’re a great place to start.

Take care. xoxo


My problem with modern day feminism….

Unpopular topic incoming… so if you don’t like this sort of thing, well, there’s surely something else you could be reading. 😉

Mrs Banks

Credit: Walt Disney Studios

That brings me straight to one of my first dislikes of modern day feminism – they seem to hate being ladies. Now, I know this is a pretty broad brush, but read me out… The world needs feminism, yes. The women in this world who are treated like property, forced into slavey, can’t leave their homes without the presence of a man, who live in countries where they can be punished for being raped because this crime broke the sanctity of their arranged marriages, where reporting a rape requires the presence of 4 male witnesses, the countries where young girls are circumcised so that they can feel no sexual pleasure and won’t feel the need to cheat on the men they are sold to, and the women who are murdered to save their family’s “honour” if they should marry outside of their wishes… these women all need feminism. They need to be given strength and the power to defend themselves and their rights need to be fought for.

However, the privileged western woman, who has her own house, her own car, a career, can choose whom she dates (if she dates), whom she marries (if she marries), how many children she wants (if any), what she wants to wear (or not to wear) and is generally in complete and utter control of her life – newsflash: Feminism has already happened. You have the power to control your own life. I have the power to control my own life… WE ARE FREE. Please stop whining over kitchen jokes and animated boobs in video games! *sigh*

Here are some thoughts on the matter, that I can’t help but agree with, by the amazing miss Emma Watson.

Regrettably, there are women out there, who feel the need to belittle and antagonize everything and everyone who don’t basically portray woman as all mighty, independent, strong and unattached amazons (properly dressed amazons that is) and I have to say I am sick of it.

Let me break it down for you: 

nina williams

Credit: Tekken Series, Nina Wiliams

Video Games – there is nothing wrong with Damsel in distress stories, they have been a part of our culture for eons; also there is nothing wrong with fantasy sexuality or fantasy characters in unrealistic armour…. some of the games might be a tad tasteless, (GTA for example is a title I will never understand the appeal for), but I am a woman and I am a gamer and I have felt more objectified by feminists trying to tell me what I should and shouldn’t be disgusted by and that in their opinion I support “victim blaming” and “rape culture” of the gaming industry by letting Mario save Princess Peach…. more so than I have ever felt by any video game and its scantily clad lady warriors.

lara old and new

Credit: Tomb Raider Series – Lara Croft Old and New


If you would like more games with female (or gender neutral) protagonists, support the artists who make those great games or straight up make one yourself. Don’t judge others for what they enjoy just because it’s not in your taste. As long as no real people are being hurt, and the people who consume this media still treat the real people (male and female) in their lives with respect, dignity and fairness, then just back off. Right away off.

Movies – The Becdtel test. Please, take it and go. Bury it in a box so I mustn’t ever hear about it ever again. Basically all of my favourite movies fail this “lady friendliness” test, not because they’re misogynistic drivel as so many claim, but simply because their stories don’t fit this little mould. (Read more about this test here.)

bechtel test


Lord of the Rings, (All?) Marvel Movies, Avatar, Titanic  – most of them are either fantasy based and written by men, so with mainly male casts, or are period pieces where it simply was rare for women to be without the involvement of men. They are not anti woman. They are not oppressive. They are merely not strictly about just women. That’s not a crime or a wrongdoing!

If you don’t like it – don’t play it, don’t watch it, don’t read it, don’t listen to it and leave everyone else who does alone already! OK? OK…

Barbie – Oh gods… I will keep this one short and simple; on March 9th 1959, back before western women had the power to control their own lives, Ruth Handler launched her Barbie doll. A fashion doll, proportioned slightly differently so that the scaled down fashions would look appealing to the eye, and who would go on to become the first girls toy in western history to have traditionally male “careers“. Barbie was not only a waitress, stewardess, ballerina and veterinarian, she was also a Business Executive, a Pilot, a Director and a Surgeon. (Although we should also consider how hurtful it is to belittle people who choose these careers, these are all very important jobs that need doing and just because they are traditionally female don’t make them any less important!) She’s had “careers” in Education, the Arts, Medicine, the Military, Politics, Public Service, Science and Engineering (she was an astronaut as early as 1965), Transportation, Business and several miscellaneous jobs as well. She has bee a diverse and fun role model and yes she comes, often, accessorized in Pink.

This is not a weakness. This is not a superficial, fat shaming, objectifying toy. It’s an inspiration for young girls to learn early on that they can be anything they want to be, and yes, they don’t have to sacrifice being feminine or girly or pink or sparkly to do it, if that’s what they want in life.

Lastly – Being Girly and growing into a Lady – oh boy… this one will probably need a whole blog post of its own – actually – yeah, I shall give this one it’s own future blog post. But suffice it to say, that I get very upset when someone tells me that being into pink, sparky things, wearing make up and a set of killer heels makes me weak. I have one thing to say to people who tell me that I am causing a negative gender stereotype by buying my goddaughter a Disney Princess toy instead of a tool set, and that I am harming women everywhere by saying things such as “that wasn’t very lady like”…. I have one thing to say and trust me, it isn’t very lady like at all…. FUCK OFF.


Well, I feel like that last one will most certainly need further explaining…  but I’ll get to that another time, ok?

Until then, just try to be mindful of what really is and isn’t causing harm, because trust me, boys and men ogling over digital boobies, Mario saving Peach for the millionth time, there not being any action clad lady hobbits and Barbie having a small waist and a sparkly briefcase, are not the culprits.

Thanks for reading.

Take care. xoxo